love was illogical
by AGENT Kuma-chan
Summary: Love was illogical. All emotions were irrational, impossible, uncontrollable, but love most of all. -Spock, Bones, Jim


**Title:** love was illogical

 **Prompt:** McCoy/Kirk ask Spock to join their relationship

 **A/N:** For samleerandom for the Star Trek Secret Santa! Sorry for the slight delay! I hope you enjoy it.

 **Summary:** _Love was illogical. All emotions were irrational, impossible, uncontrollable, but love most of all._

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Love was illogical. All emotions were irrational, impossible, uncontrollable, but love most of all. Kirk was almost a living avatar of this very principle—romantic, platonic, familial love swayed his actions on every level.

Spock was never sure if he should admire the man or pity him. A mix of both, perhaps, a choice suitable for a half-Vulcan. Even now, in the heat of battle, Kirk's expression was combination, one of rage and excitement. Neither of which were great for a soldier, much less a commander.

"Take them down now!" Kirk yelled, gripping the armrests of his captain's chair tightly. Catching Spock's stare, his brow raised in challenge. "Unless, of course, you have any better ideas."

And there was that shift, that brake to his previous feelings before plunging headfirst into another. Id he even think before jumping from one runaway train to another? It was like he was the anthesis of everything Vulcan. Impressive, honestly, considering all the species in the galaxy. Shaking his head, Spock turned back to the display board. Tiny dots glowed, pointing out their positions. "This is the best option."

"Really?" Kirk snorted. When there was no accompanying retort, no smart remark, he stared at Spock. "Didn't think you'd agree with me."

"There are few times when you are actually right about something." Spock pressed a few buttons, adjusting the screen to better mimic their movements. "Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."

"Is that a human expression? From you? Maybe you need a check up," Kirk teased, clearly amused.

"Save your attacks for the fight," Uhura growled, and Kirk straightened up immediately. The only person Kirk couldn't fight back against. Spock gave a slight nod to his ex in appreciation before returning to his task.

Love had been illogical with her as well. Even this thought, this dwelling was irrelevant to the job and yet it lingered still in his mind.

"Fire!" Kirk commanded and a silent explosion lit up the sky in front of them as their enemy exploded. "Yes!"

"Good." Spock pushed his panel back into the wall in time for Kirk to shoulder bump him.

"You should just agree with me more often." He still had a sly grin on his face. "It'd save us time."

"And kill us 90% of the time," Spock shot back, ignoring the tingle in his shoulder.

-x-

Love was illogical. All emotions were irrational, impossible, uncontrollable, but love most of all. Out of all his crewmates, McCoy seemed to understand this the best. At almost all of Kirk's ideas, there was either a tired sigh or a raised brow, his expression deadpan and almost pleading for Kirk to take back his words.

Maybe that was the doctor in him. Ruthlessly practical. Even his examination was concise. Spock sat on the examination bed, waiting for McCoy's hand scanner to finish. As he read the results, McCoy asked, "Anything new?"

"Nothing." Spock could appreciate how minced his words were-the monthly checkups for the entire crew were long and exhausting. Necessary considering the planets they visited, but an annoyance nonetheless.

"That's good." McCoy set down the scanner and stretched his arms above him. Spock could count the bags under his eyes. "With half the things we go through, you'd think more of the crew would be sick."

"Perhaps we're gaining an immunity?" Spock suggested, half-seriously. There had to be some physical benefit to all their missions.

McCoy snorted, amused. His finger tapped his thigh, a sign he was thinking about it seriously. "If only. I think the only thing we're becoming immune to is Jim."

"I don't think that's possible." Spock grimaced.

McCoy blinked before breaking out into laughter. "Don't say that to him, it'd break his heart."

"Also, not possible." Spock added, completely serious now. "I tried. He actually thinks that's a good thing. Something about _always surprising us._ "

"That sounds like him." McCoy turned to his computer, quickly typing out a note. The scanner beeped, completed, and he read the results. "Alright, you have a clean bill of health."

"Excellent." Spock stood up and rolled his shoulders back. Nodding at the doctor, he headed to the door. "Thank you, McCoy."

"You know," McCoy called out, halting his movements. "Spock, you can just call me Bones."

Bones. Spock could feel his expectant gaze boring through his back. Bones. It felt a little personal to call him that. Opening the door, he mumbled, "I'll consider it."

-x-

Love was illogical. All emotions were irrational, impossible, uncontrollable, but love most of all. It was not the Vulcan way and for a long time, Spock had convinced himself it was not his way. But then came Uhura and perhaps it was not too bad.

And then they broke up and perhaps love was not Spock's way after all. He could only have a broken heart if he loved in the first plce, after all.

So Spock did not love Uhura then. And he did not love Jim now. Nor Bones. There were no uncontrollable urges to talk, to flirt, to touch. His temperature remained a constant, his skin pale. If he could control it, it was not love.

When he found the pair in the examination room kissing, their hands gripping each other tightly, he didn't mind aside from feeling an abject disgust that he had sat on that bed himself. His heart did not twist, did not twinge, did not hurt.

He was a Vulcan after all. Vulcans did not love.

-x-

Love was illogical. All emotions were irrational, impossible, uncontrollable, but love most of all. Anyone who was not a Vulcan had accepted this a long time ago and learned to live with. Entire races wrote poetry and stories about the full range of these emotions and Spock was not sure if that made people closer to understanding it or not.

It certainly did not help him now, cornered in an engine room. A suspiciously empty engine room and Spock was now half certain that Scott did not actually have any issues to check and was in on this plot. In front of him, Kirk had locked the room and he and McCoy were slowly approaching Spock.

Actually, looking at Jim's expression, he was fully certain that Scott had helped them.

"You know," McCoy muttered, a frown on his face. "You've been avoiding us."

Spock quickly scanned the room for a place to hide. There was a platform that dropped off to the engines—probably death. A desk, which was just wide enough for both of them to trap him. And nothing else. "I have not."

"Right." Jim snorted as he circled around the room. "You definitely have."

"That is a child's actions." Spock scoffed. Death by engine was looking like a better choice by the minute. "And I have no reason to."

"You are a chil—"

"Spock," McCoy interrupted, cutting Kirk off before yet another one of their arguments started. When Kirk opened his mouth, he shot him a glare. "Jim and I are dating."

"I know." Spock wondered if they were waiting for congratulations or something. Especially since now the worst case scenario had occurred and they had both trapped him by the desk.

"We'd like to date you too."

"I—" Spock's mouth dried and he stared at McCoy, speechless. He had expected this level of honesty, of irrationality from Kirk but not from McCoy. Speechless, he rubbed his ear, not sure if he heard McCoy right.

"Oh? That shut him up." Jim smirked. Leaning against the desk, he pressed his hand on Spock's. "So? What'd you say?"

Part of him was waiting for the rest of the crew to jump through the door, filming this as one of Kirk's pranks. Still processing, he defaulted to basic fact. "Humans are monogamous."

"Not always," McCoy answered, grabbing Spock's free hand before he could react. "Generally, from a social and—"

"And we're not," Kirk cut in, rolling his eyes. "You two can science it out later, when I'm not here."

They were still holding his hands, their warmth radiating through their skin. He stared at each hand, at Kirk's rough one, at McCoy's soft one. The difference in their touch. "This…This is real?"

"I could kiss you to prove it," Kirk offered, leaning forward without waiting for a response. He paused when he was half a centimeter away, waiting for a response.

Vulcans did not love but Spock had always been half human, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. Leaning forward, he closed the gap.


End file.
